I Am Self-Sufficient

         "For it is in your power to retire into yourself whenever you choose."

                                                                                -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

What is it to be self-sufficient?  How would you describe self-sufficiency to another person?  Would it be the ability to perform basic or complex tasks on your own?  Would it be the ability to provide for yourself?  I would agree that these are integral parts to being self-sufficient, but there is more to it than that.

Another thing I think of often is the difference between the self discovery of learning something new versus being told by someone who has experience, and learning that way.  Both have their merits.  I know myself there is a lot of knowledge in discovering something for yourself, but  I also know that it is wise to seek council from those that have already done it and then learning to apply that knowledge.  Which is better?  Akin to Alice, my Kung Fu practice has led me down this proverbial rabbit hole.  I have amazing teachers that are more than willing to impart their knowledge and who have gone through it, and with that they have their own self learning that they then apply to help their students.  But, I am also at the part in my Kung Fu journey where I have to start looking internally and feeling things internally, and not just worry about the external.  It is here where I must take over and search for the answers myself.  I still use my teacher's guidance to hopefully point me in the right direction, but it is still mine to discover.

Self-sufficiency comes into play, because I need to be willing to set a semblance of structure in my life to practice and learn on my own.  I use "semblance" because from an outside view it won't look like I have any structure, the truth is my "structure" is founded on filling in the gaps between my busy life schedule, a few minutes here and there.  I get two, sometimes three hours a week of training in the Kwoon, not nearly enough to obtain mastery in my art, so I need to be able to take what I have learned in class and start working on finding the answers.  I've been given all the tools that I need to succeed and begin to master, I just have to utilize those tools in the most effective way for me, and have them work for me and try not to let myself be molded to the tool, but let the tool mold itself to me.  

Reflection is an integral part of my self-sufficiency, for I need to perform and then internally reflect on how it felt, how it made me feel, if there was anything I felt needed some adjustment.  Without this, I'm just doing, going through the motions, and not learning.  It's important to check in with ourselves and ask, did that feel good, what was different this time from last time and why.  Questioning ourselves and our ability is imperative to be self-sufficient, because it creates internal dialogue that can lead to self-discovery.  Self-sufficiency and self-discovery are really two sides to the same coin, for self-sufficiency shows us just how much we can accomplish and self-discovery helps us find new ways of becoming more self-suffcient.

Nigel Bauer