How I Begin (Frustrated Pt.2)
Working on lion dance stacking some more, and trying to approach it with the mindset I discussed in my last blog. With every missed attempt I was still feeling those whispers of disappointing, unworthy, failure, but at least having written my last blog, I was more aware of them, and able to understand them a bit more. However, my perspective really switched when Sifu Brinker was explaining something to us and finished it all off by saying "it just takes practice."
Those 4 little words,
How had I forgotten them?
How had I managed to forget that where I am now is the result of years of practice? Did I think I grasped a punch, a kick, even stances as quickly as I am expecting myself to get this? Somewhere along the way I had forgotten how long these things really take. No one is born being good at kung fu, it is a skill like anything else, and skills take time to build. This train of thought has made me reflect on a few things:
1) Gratitude for where I currently am. An appreciation for all the time and energy I have put in to get to where I am.
2) A respect for the beginners. Remembering what it feels like to begin something, the unfamiliarity of a brand new technique, squinting trying to parse the details of a clear picture that for now only looks like a fuzzy outline. I want to apply this reacquaintance with beginnings to how I am teaching, or explaining concepts.
3) A check to my ego. In some remote corners of my brain a voice tells me I have the natural aptitude to be amazing at almost any aspect of kung fu, and I need to understand that this is simply not true. I need to understand where the natural weak points and cracks in my foundation are so that I can work extra hard to strengthen those areas in order to become a more well rounded martial artist.
4) Remembering how I tend to learn things. My philosophy of beginnings is that I should try to include and focus on and work at as many details of a technique as possible, regardless of how much more complicated or difficult it makes things, or how much longer that makes the initial learning because it's unfamiliar and hard anyway, so may as well get the harder stuff in now too. I need to remember that this means my progress graph tends to plateau a LOT in the beginning and takes a long time before any upwards trends start happening.
And while it does feel like a little knife in my chest when someone else gets something on the first try, I need to remind myself that I am not somebody else, I am not anybody else, just me, and this is how I learn.
Kayley Burke
