How to Keep Your Children Engaged- Part III

Part III- What To Do When They Don‘t Want To

It’s Inevitable

At some point your child will lose interest. A new sport or club will catch their eye and Kung Fu will lose its shine. I myself went through hockey, jazz, softball, swimming, guitar, singing and soccer before Kung Fu came along. And I can guarantee you that Kung Fu would have joined the list of rejected activities had the decision been mine to make.

I was lucky that my parents recognized the impact Kung Fu was having on my life before I hit the “I want to quit” stage. I wasn’t old enough to weigh the pros and cons, I just know that I wanted to do what all my friends were doing instead- volleyball. I had every reason laid out for my argument; it was too late in the evening, I wasn’t having fun, I wasn’t progressing, I was missing out on time with my friends. It didn’t work. My mom didn’t even entertain the idea, just told me that quitting wasn’t an option. After much whining, bellyaching and arguing, I resigned myself to the idea that I wasn’t quitting. I made it difficult on her, dragged when it was time to leave, grumbled on the way there. And my poor parents had two of us to deal with at this time.

Keep Your Power

This is the most important part of the puzzle. You are the parent. Your job is to prepare your child for adulthood to the best of your ability. Children do not yet have the capacity to gauge the impact of the decisions they make. Do not give your child the power to make this decision.It may be that the best decision for your child is to walk away, but that is your decision to make. Only you can weigh the pros and cons, look forward at the impact of the decision beyond the current situation.  

The moment that you tell your child “when X occurs then you can quit” or “lets finish this month and see how you feel then”, it’s done, they will quit. You gave away your power.

We have never seen a child continue past this point when given control of the decision. No matter how much they enjoy their class or how much benefit they are receiving, there is only one thing on their mind. The day they can quit. At this point, it’s over. 

Keep your power. It is your decision.

Look For A Way

Of course, this does not mean your child does not get a voice. If your child is feeling frustrated or anxious, this needs to be discussed and a solution needs to be found. Talk to your child, let them voice their opinions and their feelings. Make sure they feel heard and understood. Find a way to work through these issues and make things right again. Make a plan together. Talk to your instructors; let us know what we can do and how we can help. Get us involved early, we’re not unfamiliar with these situations. We can take action and may have some insights we can share with you. We’re not here to shut them down. We’re here to build them up.

Set Them Up For Success

We all change. I was a timid, shy girl who would rather not be seen than be seen as weak or uncool. I conformed instead of reformed. I made poor choices because I was scared to say anything. I was an easy target.

Then I began to find my confidence and recognized when I had a choice to make. I grew the strength to choose differently. I began to recognize my impact on others.

I began to form values and opinions. I began to care less about popularity and more about being who I could be and who I wanted to be.

I now value quality over quantity, happiness over bottom lines, life over convenience. I care about what impact I make on others and the world around me. I make the hard choices and do my best to leave this world better than I found it. 

I am strong enough to voice my opinions. I am confident enough to admit my mistakes. 

It was not an easy road. I fought it, I rebelled, I made bad decisions. I still stumble. But I am happy with who I see in the mirror.

And now, I have two of my own at the beginning of their journeys through Kung Fu. I am lucky and grateful that I have had the experiences I’ve had, the opportunities that were given to me by my mother. I can already see what Kung Fu is doing for my children, and I can see the impact that my own training has on theirs. If you ask them what they want to be when they grow up, they’ll give you a different answer each time. Regardless, I know that they are developing the tools they will need no matter the path they choose in life.