How to Keep Your Children Engaged- Part III
Part III- What To Do When They Don‘t Want To
It’s Inevitable
At some point your child will lose interest. A new sport or club will catch their eye and Kung Fu will lose its shine. I myself went through hockey, jazz, softball, swimming, guitar, singing and soccer before Kung Fu came along. And I can guarantee you that Kung Fu would have joined the list of rejected activities had the decision been mine to make.
I was lucky that my parents recognized the impact Kung Fu was having on my life before I hit the “I want to quit” stage. I wasn’t old enough to weigh the pros and cons, I just know that I wanted to do what all my friends were doing instead- volleyball. I had every reason laid out for my argument; it was too late in the evening, I wasn’t having fun, I wasn’t progressing, I was missing out on time with my friends. It didn’t work. My mom didn’t even entertain the idea, just told me that quitting wasn’t an option. After much whining, bellyaching and arguing, I resigned myself to the idea that I wasn’t quitting. I made it difficult on her, dragged when it was time to leave, grumbled on the way there. And my poor parents had two of us to deal with at this time.
Keep Your Power
This is the most important part of the puzzle. You are the parent. Your job is to prepare your child for adulthood to the best of your ability. Children do not yet have the capacity to gauge the impact of the decisions they make. Do not give your child the power to make this decision.It may be that the best decision for your child is to walk away, but that is your decision to make. Only you can weigh the pros and cons, look forward at the impact of the decision beyond the current situation.
The moment that you tell your child “when X occurs then you can quit” or “lets finish this month and see how you feel then”, it’s done, they will quit. You gave away your power.
We have never seen a child continue past this point when given control of the decision. No matter how much they enjoy their class or how much benefit they are receiving, there is only one thing on their mind. The day they can quit. At this point, it’s over.
Keep your power. It is your decision.
Look For A Way
Of course, this does not mean your child does not get a voice. If your child is feeling frustrated or anxious, this needs to be discussed and a solution needs to be found. Talk to your child, let them voice their opinions and their feelings. Make sure they feel heard and understood. Find a way to work through these issues and make things right again. Make a plan together. Talk to your instructors; let us know what we can do and how we can help. Get us involved early, we’re not unfamiliar with these situations. We can take action and may have some insights we can share with you. We’re not here to shut them down. We’re here to build them up.
Set Them Up For Success
We all change. I was a timid, shy girl who would rather not be seen than be seen as weak or uncool. I conformed instead of reformed. I made poor choices because I was scared to say anything. I was an easy target.
Then I began to find my confidence and recognized when I had a choice to make. I grew the strength to choose differently. I began to recognize my impact on others.
I began to form values and opinions. I began to care less about popularity and more about being who I could be and who I wanted to be.
I now value quality over quantity, happiness over bottom lines, life over convenience. I care about what impact I make on others and the world around me. I make the hard choices and do my best to leave this world better than I found it.
I am strong enough to voice my opinions. I am confident enough to admit my mistakes.
It was not an easy road. I fought it, I rebelled, I made bad decisions. I still stumble. But I am happy with who I see in the mirror.
And now, I have two of my own at the beginning of their journeys through Kung Fu. I am lucky and grateful that I have had the experiences I’ve had, the opportunities that were given to me by my mother. I can already see what Kung Fu is doing for my children, and I can see the impact that my own training has on theirs. If you ask them what they want to be when they grow up, they’ll give you a different answer each time. Regardless, I know that they are developing the tools they will need no matter the path they choose in life.
How to Keep Your Children Engaged- Part II
Part II- Engage Everyone
Be Involved
As with anything, you won’t see or reap any benefits unless you’re involved. And I don’t mean just your children, you the parent too. Children with parents who are actively involved, who watch classes, encourage their kids and ask questions, those are the students who thrive and who have the ability to work through the hard times. Why? Because they are not alone, they have parents who work equally as hard with and for them because they too see and reap the benefits.
What Can You Do For Your Child?
Be interested. Children need encouragement and acceptance. If mom or dad seem indifferent to their activities or accomplishments then they learn that there is no value to what they are doing or achieving. This will only decrease their confidence in themselves, not build it up.
Approach their classes with a positive attitude. If classes become a chore or a job then the fun is gone and the resistance will start. Your children need to recognize that Kung Fu is important, but they need to be able to enjoy it.
Set them up for success. Get them to class on time. Help them be responsible for their uniform and gear. Make sure their environment is congruent to their goals; focus is a key to Kung Fu and to life. Noise and distractions will not allow them to get everything they can out of a given lesson.
Join in! Our kids mimic and learn from us. Participate as a family in our events, or join classes yourself. If they see us having fun they’ll be more inclined to enjoy themselves. A family activity will outlast an individual activity because everyone has a part to play and understands the value. The time spent will be time invested. And you yourself will develop understanding and skills, giving you the ability to help your child and maybe picking up a thing or two to benefit yourself. Our most successful students are most often from a family that is heavily involved.
A Little Goes A Long Way
Any student at Silent River Kung Fu has heard the term incremental progression. Tiny steps, with time, create great change. What you do with your children, no matter how insignificant it seems at the time, has the potential of creating life changing ripples, influencing their perspectives, values and choices. Be sure to create habits and routines with your child that supports your ultimate goal; raising a happy, healthy, self sufficient and confident individual.
So get involved. If you do, you will see and understand the value. If you understand the value, it’s easy to be committed and this will filter down to your child. In other words, half the work is done.
How To Keep You Children Engaged- Part I
Part I- It’s In Your Perspective
Balance
The fluttering interests of children are a natural part of their curiosity. Children are interested in anything and everything new, exploring their world and gaining experiences that will help them grow into happy, healthy young adults.
I encourage the curious nature in my own children. I hope they see wonder in everything they come across and continue to explore into their adult years. However, I also have to recognize that my children will not have the ability to extrapolate and foresee the effects of their decisions, for good or bad. Kids truly live in the moment. We adults need to find the balance between letting them and looking out for their futures.
Keep Your Perspective
Your children will undoubtedly lose interest in their Kung Fu for periods of time. It’ll lose its shine, it’ll become mundane. At this time we will be tempted to let them quit to try a new sport or new activity, hoping to find one that they will want to endure with.
This is when we need to keep our perspectives absolutely clear and in front of ourselves. We need to identify, acknowledge and weigh the benefits your child has experienced because of their Kung Fu. We need to have the ability to foresee the benefits they have yet to gain. And we have to act upon their best interests.
People often talk about finding a “spark”, something that invokes a passion. The thing is, passion is built, slowly over time. We do not simply find it. We start with an interest, and it builds from there. Kung Fu can be their passion, given it has the opportunity to develop.
What Can Kung Fu Do for Your Child?
For me, this is an easy answer because I’ve experienced it first hand. My number one answer is confidence. They will gain confidence in themselves as a byproduct of developing a healthy self image and self esteem.
They will learn that they can accomplish their goals, but also that nothing comes for free. The value of their accomplishments will increase because they will know they earned it.
They will develop a drive to continue to accomplish and to push themselves beyond any limits they may come across. They will reject the idea of “I can’t”. They will reject mediocrity. They will plan and work towards their future.
They will learn discipline. This will help them stay motivated when things get tough. This will help them through high school and into university. This will help them get the job, excel in their field and build a life they can be proud of.
The will be healthier. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Kung Fu builds physical strength, and mental fortitude. They will become aware of their choices and consciously develop better habits. They will have the ability to manage tough situations.
They will have enough respect for themselves to say no. It could be their best friend or a romantic interest. When the time comes, they will have the confidence to say no when pushed towards something they are uncomfortable with or know to be wrong.
The will have respect for other people and the world around them. They will understand that their decisions affect more than just themselves. They can be the change they want to see in the world.
The Long Term
Of course, these changes occur over time. Many of our lessons are planted as seeds. Seeds take time and nurturance to grow, so not all benefits will be apparent at the beginning. It takes time to develop self respect and self discipline, to change or create habits. And like any practice, you only get to keep the benefits as long as you continue to train and apply yourself.
Respect
Kung Fu transforms lives. A student can expect to achieve a full grade point improvement in their grades at school within a year of starting kung fu. Everyone training with us experiences an improvement in their ability to manage stress and conflict. These benefits are both byproducts of discipline and respect — the two main things we teach at Silent River Kung Fu.
From the first moment a student walks through our doors, their lessons on respect begin. We create a level playing field by dressing uniformly and addressing every student by their last name. The students’ instructors do not demand the students’ respect, they work hard to earn it. The power of example is the most powerful teaching tool available.
Parents, your positive engagement is a crucial component of your children’s education. As parents, our influence through the example we set can help reinforce the lessons our children are learning or at their worst, they can undermine them. We must remain mindful that our actions influence our children.
Getting your children to class on time is an absolute necessity if you want to set a positive example. Respecting the value of other people’s time is one of the most important lessons a person learns in their lifetime. Your children rely upon you to get them to their classes and therefore they rely upon you to get them there on time. Late arrivals disrupt the entire class and publicly affect everyone by undermining a keystone value of Kung fu.
Something that has been happening outside of our school but within sight of all our students, is how our students’ parents and family are treating our planters in front of the school window. Sitting on the planters and/or placing your toddlers on them, trampling the plants, is damaging a project that our students built and managed themselves and which they have been trying to nurture. Ironically while we are busy on the mats teaching our students about discipline and respect, our lessons are being undermined in real time by the public disrespect being shown to the project so many of them worked so hard on over the summer.
